I happen to think a lot of a guy named Alan Robertson .He`s a nice guy and really been put through the mill , and yet still lives to tell the tale , he found the guts to speak out about matters , and has written a book about his experience . Others just couldn’t take it anymore , the pain they suffered due to many abuses dealt to them by their birth to cults like the Exclusive Brethren , just got far to much for them to handle and so a number just took their own lives by suicide. And to be honest i totally understand that. I have not ever mentioned it yet here on this blog because its not really the type of thing people want to talk about ,but the truth is when i ran away and escaped the Exclusive Brethren cult while still aged under 16, a big part of my reason to leave was also to try escaping the effects i experienced from sexual abuse earlier on in life .I was escaping effect of this abuse, but i was also escaping effects of the lack of any availability of inside referal to even get some proper professional help , mostly due in big part to such things within those faiths usually being kinda “hush hushed” . I guess so the pubic got less chance of getting wind that such things actually happened with places like The Exclusive Brethren . Who always thought saving face and trying to put up such a front of being such holy places of worship was what mattered most , with all their priestly prophets and silly suggestions of having the “pure lines”.
And plus i was also intent on trying to escape the effects of the abuse that had slowly built up over time was having on my feeling of anger ! .Effects of which i felt then had also started to effected my widowed mothers feelings and happiness as well ,when priests would come calling to visit us both. To counsel us as Exclusive Brethren members that were at that particular time been both placed in the position of being “shut-up” . Being “shut-up” was when members became seperated from the rest of the members of the EB fellowship, having been put under discipline of the assembly for a time , left alone at home seperated from other members . And to make matters seem even worse were not even allowed any close friendships with any other non EB members either , including worldly neighbours .So in effect me and mum both lived totally alone at home during this time . Me a teenager bored shitless ! no TV no radio! no friends ! and feeling even more angry and angry by the minute.While Mum is ever so faithfully missing the fellowship of all her friends within the EB , and it seemed forever sad and crying .
I so hated to see my mother crying endlessly.I so hated to hear the priests verbal attacks on her attempts of being a good mother, when they set about intent on blaming her for all that had eventuated and gone wrong within our whole family . Specially when my mother in all honesty , did her very best ! to bring up us 6 children even as a widow , specially when being widowed had originally came upon her , when still aged only 40.
Over the years looking back after i left , i often would wonder if i even really did do the right thing , deciding on running away like i did , leaving Mum . I always knew it would have hurt my mother , and often thinking about that i felt so very guilty.Yet to me it seemed had i stayed , i couldn’t ever see myself ever being the perfect type person i always felt so lacking in any ability of ever being . So it just seemed to me to be better for all , that i just simply left . And so that’s exactly what i did.
I know over time Mum was accepted back into fellowship again .Even though i spent many sleepless nights alone after that time feeling such extreme guilt , guilt about what had happened , even more guilt about all the extreme pain and sadness i saw my mother dealing with. Just Guilt Guilt Guilt.
At first i went to live with 2 elder sisters of mine who were both Ex Ebs and married ,spending about 3 months with each one. But sadly i wasnt really your normal teenager , i was very unsettled , im even sure i was a real bloody handful and a trial on everyone’s patience . And to top everything off , in all honesty id say both my sisters husbands would definitely not have been the type , to end up winning any golden awards ! for being the real understanding types either .To both brother in laws i always felt like i was always just a totally annoying complete bloody inconvenient nuisance in their eyes.Atleast thats how it mostly seemed to me ,but then i guess also that guilt complex plus low self esteme, and feeling of worthlessness along with feelings of some abandoment issues ,were already fast settling in.
And so by the time just 6 months had past and i was now 16 , luck had it i finally ended up finding a job miles away from anywhere , way up in the bush on a farm that offered me both a job and a room of my own to live in as well .
And whats more i still never ever did end up mentioning my experiences that had already started to cause me some real problems to anyone anyway . I just quietly festered on my own about it , in anger and guilt for still very very many years yet to come , and after the punishment of every sleepless night that i would experience , along came the punishment of the ridicule from the bosses and/or other workers alike also .When ever it was that after i finally ended up getting to sleep, only to then end up sleeping in next morning through being so tired i slept through the alarm. Or simply instead just because of being half asleep on the job next day anyway.
So it wasnt until round about 30 years had finally passed, and a number of broken relationships had already been and gone, along with a couple of children having already been born that i also lacked in any real knowledge of the ability of exactly how i should have a close relationship with them either ….That when finally realizing my lonely struggle was really seeming lots like it was a endless struggle in total vain to try and rise above that what lay underneath and was forever causing me more endless insurmountable problems .That it was that i finally just kind of simply gave up on trying . And i guess in a kind of unconscious kind of way, i simply just admitted my defeat and silently made a vow with myself to try to learn to just somehow try living alone .
It was very many rather harsh and painful life experiences over many years struggling along on my own that brought me to finally feeling this way, however far to many experiences to ever try explain in such short detail on this blog here.It was very likely the sexual abuse that lay at the very base of all my problems, but still it was then also the snowballing effect of all other problems what extended out off that base problem , that then helped finally drive home the galvanized nail that ended up driven deep into lifes relationship coffin that over time finally ended up feeling like i had simply become totally dead and buried within . And slowly worked to seal the fate i now find myself living . And thus i now understand how Post Traumatic Stress Disorders can be under-laying conditions that finally accumulate more and more gaining in momentum all the time , that then end up exploding and effecting and almost totally destroying people a lot more in the later years of their life .
I hate these effects of this P.T.S.D its so very bad ,that im not even going to discuss how they affect humans in detail at the present moment . Alan Robertson has posted some P.T.S.D information here http://www.friends-alive.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=55&sid=29f9d13a45c2924dbe6fb3c59e0a025a .
But my main reason for discussing this P.T.S.D was i was very interested to see a program on TV about studies they are doing now into how it’s very possible that Elephants are suffering the effects of P.T.S.D also .
‘An Elephant Can Be Traumatized’
Elephant too have special family bonds .And amazing memory’s that then naturally also effect their ability to forget very traumatic situations.
Page two quote : They are slaughtered for the ivory and sport hunting trades, or captured for zoos and circuses. Generations of orphaned herds have become broken, so unlike themselves — now aggressive and depressed. Bradshaw and her fellow researchers have made a diagnosis that was once thought to be uniquely human: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
“To diagnose an elephant with PTSD is novel, but that’s because we have denied elephants the capacity of having a mind, having emotions. All the neuroscience says, yes, it’s there, and the behavior confirms it,” Bradshaw said
Bradshaw and her colleagues published these startling findings in the journal Nature.
“How an elephant can be traumatized is seeing, for example, their mother killed with a gun. It’s a huge shock,” Bradshaw said. “Being taken away from their family, taken away from the herd and put into captivity.”
For many elephant orphans, surviving capture is only the beginning of their journey out of Africa, and into a new heart of darkness.
“The trauma stays with the elephant when they’re in captivity. They adapt to the life. That’s a survival mechanism. Just like human prisoners. Some people can survive, some people cannot,” Bradshaw said.
Yeah sounds kinda feasible …Just like survival of escaped human prisoners of Cults of Hell like the Exclusive Brethren…Some people can survive, some people cannot .
on page 3 it says : they have nightmares at night. They wake up screaming
“They’re essentially very gentle animals. So for an elephant to become aggressive and kill a human, you have to understand how badly he’s been treated by humans to be able to pluck up the courage to do that,” Sheldrick said.
And then again in the. Express.co.uk http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/128141/End-of-the-world–
Orphaned elephants behave in a way similar to humans who lacked adult mentors when they were young. “Where for centuries humans and elephants lived in relatively peaceful co-existence there is now hostility and violence. Elephants are suffering and behaving in the same ways that we recognise in ourselves as a result of violence.”
And then in Seedmagzine.com http://seedmagazine.com/content/article/no_longer_a_mind_of_our_own/
No longer a mind of our own
Picture a psychiatrist at her desk reviewing a case file. The report describes a young, teenaged male who, with several others his age, killed nearly a hundred victims. The case is astounding—not only because of the intensity and magnitude of the violence, but because nothing remotely like it has ever happened in the community before. Not even a single murder. As the psychiatrist turns the pages and reads on, the pieces of the puzzle start to come together. A few years before, the young killers had witnessed the massacre of their families and been orphaned. Afterwards, although still very young, they were relocated to another community with few adults to raise them; importantly, it was absent of older, mentoring males.
Resignedly, the psychiatrist writes her opinion: post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She recommends intensive counselling and psychotherapy. Trauma and social breakdown—in this case, loss of a mother and community—compromise normal brain and behavior development, often resulting in hyper-aggression, violence and other asocial behaviors. Although treatment is called for, such developmental trauma, in the absence of family and friends who can psychologically, emotionally and physically support recovery, often leads to a pattern of psychobiological disorders. Trauma becomes neurobiologically etched and may be transmitted across generations. Unfortunately, the teenagers’ story echoes those of many others, each unpleasantly familiar in their association with a string of wars and genocide in Uganda, Rwanda, Iraq and Sudan. However, there is something different and perhaps more disturbing about this account.
Well im not an Elephant, but still i sure as hell do understand how trauma can be transmitted across generations . Trauma i experienced now goes on to also have an effect on my own children , through my inability to behave like most other normal parents do . I lack an ability to get close even to my own children .In effect im like one of the Elephants who never learned the social aspects they needed to learn , that are supposed to be passed on along from our elders.
The young Elephants couldnt change how humans messed with their Elephant families , killing their elders and leaving whole groups of them alone without any real good role models .And there was little i could do to change the effect of EBism , specially when society allows them to act how they have been acting , for atleast the last 50 years or more now.
And i honestly do recognize and understand some of the feelings of extreme outbursts of anger that’s also spoken about here with these traumatized Elephants .
These teenagers are young male African elephants. At a South African park, in the 1990’s, three young males attacked and killed 58 white and five black rhinoceroses; at a second park, young male elephants killed 40 white rhinoceroses. While these events have by far been the most dramatic, elsewhere in Africa and Asia, reports of elephant aggression are appearing more frequently. Moreover, violence is not just directed at other species. In yet another African park, male-on-male intraspecific mortality is responsible for 70% to 90% of adult male elephant deaths.
And then The Sunday Times reports : http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article731367.ece
THEY say that elephants never forget, and it could be that they are using their memories to exact revenge on people who make their lives a misery.
A new study says that the usually gentle giants may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) brought on by frightening experiences at an early age.
In parts of Uganda they have raided villages, demolished huts and destroyed plots, not in an effort to get at food but to scare the people living there.
Such attacks have become more frequent in Bunyaruguru, western Uganda, where only two years ago villagers would think nothing of cycling to the nearby township of Katwe to meet friends and do business.
Here is a video off you-tube called Elephants pushed to the limits
And another called Revenge of the Elephants
And last of all ive changed my mind and decided i will post some other information including some of what i feel are my experiences of effects of P.T.S.D .
Guess its really not that helpful to anyone if we feel we are not even prepared to discuss it .Even if its not really something we are proud of, and often would far prefer to try forgetting about..
It says quote : Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental and emotional condition that has its origins in a physical and/or mentally traumatic event that occurred anywhere from a few days to several years in the past. PTSD can develop by one overwhelming trauma as in 9/11 or by a series of smaller traumas or abuses occurring over several years such as living in an alcoholic home. It can be recognized from symptoms such as recurrent and persistent recollections of the traumatic event and recurring dreams of the event.
Can develop by one overwhelming trauma as in 9/11 or by a series of smaller traumas or abuses occurring over several years such as living in an alcoholic home …. They say …. Well by my account ..YES…. id say being born EB ended up being just like one overwhelming trauma starting pretty much right about from the point in time of my birth , when my family of older brother and sisters were all slowly busily being massacred by excommunication by the EB Cult and as time went along i was also dealing with sexual abuse and sadness of a completely guilt ridden and traumatized widowed mother also , then to top matters off the snowballing effect through EB hush hushing matters , plus lack of use of any proper professional experts to help provide care needed from health professionals. That then led to me needing to run away to try and escape , also meant that life would very likely also lead me on into another series of smaller traumas or abuses occurring over several years that would ultimately finally top everything off .
This article mentions :
1 , Recurrent and persistent recollections of the traumatic event.
Yep pretty hard to fully forget really when it seems like being trapped within confines of prison feeling type walls that consist of Cult Faith
2 , Recurrent dreams of the event
Yes . And strangely the nightmares got worse as i got older.
3 , Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event is happening all over again
To simply be quite honest .I fail to understand when the traumatic events surrounding this divisive Cult , even really honestly ever stopped happening ?.
4 , Intense distress related to internal or external events that remind one of the traumatic occurence.
Yes the nightmares and bad memory’s forever remind me .We have family captive within a cult ,that after so very many years start to seem very dead, even though we really know they are most likely still alive. And our whole lives seem to be cursed by a endless trauma that continues on ,making many other matters snowball along the way also.
5 , Efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations assoicated with the trauma.
Yes for very many years i didnt even tell many friends i had once belonged to this Cult .And for around 30 years i never ever spoke of the sexual abuse even with any health professionals either.
6 , Efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that might be associated with the trauma.
Never dared went near Churches .Feel uncomfortable around believers. Dont often even last long on forums among other folks associated with this Cult.
7 , An inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event.
Much of life seems like its kind of like being just one big huge great endless blur . I find myself often wondering where the hell life actually went? . It seems like yesterday that this sadness started ,but yet as i try to think in-depth about life and remember, it often kind of almost seems so very empty, even though i really know i have actually experienced so very much that happened.
8 , Decreased interest or participation in certain activites.
Yes very much so ,specially as the effect of P.T.S.D fully set in .Earlier in life it seemed i experience life as having far more ups and downs .As life went on and the nightmares got worse and anxiety attacks and mood swings and feeling of utter despair set in .Life felt little sense of ups and downs anymore , life mostly stayed on a kind of consistent low a numbness . And yes its true interest in many things i once really enjoyed , have now days pretty much disappeared completely.
9 , Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.
I now seem to far prefer to live totally on my own .I have to really push myself to visit other people .And even when i visited other Ex Eb brothers and sisters a few weeks back , i never really felt totally comfortable or like i honestly fitted in with them anymore .And strangely sadly deep down i know i even felt quite a lot of relief , when finally back completely on my own again.
10 ,The inability to have certain feelings.
Feelings ? …. What is real sadness ? …These days i only feel like i feel a kind of numbness ….What is happiness ? ..My life sits numb ….What is love really, other than words many humans use ? even many other Christian group who all say they honestly care so much about effect of cults ! yet i notice their words never enter into actions that help stop Cults existing .. What is this feeling they call Joy ?…Life just always seems so very numb , just like a day that soon turns into night and then so quickly simply fades away.
11 , A sense that time is short, and there is no future.
Tis so true. It becomes so clear the great importance of ones need of really making the most of life …Yet seems like it was always so extremely totally impossible .
12 , Difficulty falling and/or staying asleep.
Yes and it makes life very hard specially when one needs to sleep when needing to go to work and be alert . Its not like you can really honestly be classed as being “reliable” anymore.Not without having a bottle of horse tranquilizers on hand. And then also some speed or something to help get rid of the after effects next morning.
13 , Inability or angry outbursts.
Yes the numbness suddenly erupts into very angry outbursts .
14 , Difficulty concentrating.
Yeah and really not good when trying to learn new skills , or operate machinery like you used to be able to cope with doing. And when looking at projects that once you thought easy that now even before starting , seem totally impossible …. It’s not good when all it seems to make you feel these days , is a mega amount of anxiety .
15 , Hyper-vigliance.
Totally always on guard …. Always thinking problems surely do likely lurk around every single corner for sure ….Think twice about everything and then double-check it once again ,and after that don’t ever forget to reconsider everything , just incase you forgot something ….Beware of that simple trip you need to make into town also , you do know ! you`ll likely break down on the way….Worry about everything because its Murphy’s law ! that things will surely always ! go wrong … And by the way all women will only ever end up leaving you lonely again in the end because you wont likely ever meet standards of being happy and settled enough , so just also always beware of daring to get involved in any of those kind of relationships too …. But most of all remember … with everything about living life , one needs to always try keep on his toes .
Quote : One type of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder develops when frequent abuse occurs in the home. This can have grave consequences for developing relationships in general and intimate relationships in particular.
It is a cliché that before you can be in a healthy love relationship you at first must be in love with yourself.
Love ? what is this thing love other than being an often used four letter word . Human say they love with word , and then they lack understanding and abuse or abandon you. Its gotta be because you are so utterly worthless right ? … It must be …How can it ever be anything else ? when it’s always happened time after time
Quote : PTSD Develops Within Dysfunctional Families
Agggggghhhh damn !! need i really be reminded