Thanks Mum

Thought a bit about our mum today.It all started because i got started to thinking a bit about how very lucky ive been, to be someone who never ever really had so much of a problem with physical violence.Mostly ive always been able to stop short of it.Other than a few times.And of those few times,none of those few occasion did i ever bother to go so far as to actually cause harm to anyone real badly.

I realized it was all due to our mum who’d taught me. Learn to “turn the other cheek” was the motto she helped to teach all us 6 kids.Learn to live “like Jesus” she’d try her best to remind us

I don’t know how i was so lucky to not ever revert to violence.I still have pretty vivid memories those time and of our house in a old farm house that one brethren brother had given to our family to go live in.We went to live there not so long after our dad died of cancer (that’s the way i remember it anyways)I know we went there well before i finally went to school when aged 5. I’d say i’d only have been aged somewhere between 2 and 3 (around about that) when we had first “moved in” to live there

I remember how it was this huge big old rambling farm house (seemed huge to me anyways) . A rather poky little porch by the front door.Through the front door was a real long straight hallway ,with probably around 5 or 6 bedroom spaced out along it off each side (PS:although now after “more reflection” on these childhood memories of mine, which sometimes can also feel like they are become kinda fragmented-memories or something too.I’m now thinking, that perhaps it i might have only been 4 rooms .But if-so, then it also follow,that every single one of those 4 rooms, were also all real huge rooms too.Which of course also could then also still help to “account for” my childhood memory of it-seeming to be like it were a really long long hallway.Another memory that came rushing back to me is this, i can vividly remember how one day, or night,i heard my eldest brother do a huge-long fart, that kept-on happening, as he walked  for the whole-length.I remember how i was quite impressed) . The top end of the hallway furthest away from the front door, led off into the kinda “open-plan” lounge/dining room.The dining room being on the right hand side (if still facing/looking away from the front door).Off of that open plan lounge/dining room, there was a another door leading out into a wee kitchen on the right hand side (far right hand side right up against the right hand side house wall).And then likewise, more back toward the lounge area and more toward the middle of the house , kinda “following on straight on through” from the long hallway , so that one could from that door be able to see right back down to the front door. Was a door which lead straight to the back door, with a wash house area you’d also pass by (up against the bathroom wall “to the left” i feel pretty sure , if my memory doesn’t fail me). Or instead of heading out toward the back door past the laundry, you could make a turn left, then the toilet door was there straight ahead of you, while a bathroom was also off again through another door turning to the right.

c378f88c6ce9ea2639a2cd152fff3594--banana-seat-bike-bananas

I learned to ride my first 2 wheeler bike here i remember clearly and  almost like as if it was only yesterday (kinda like the one that is pictured above.Except it was one somewhat bigger). I remember how it was a huge bike, way to big for me in fact (at the time) really.My eldest brother had “saved up” to buy it in  time for me for my birthday. I’m aware that it was no easy feat for him to achieve quick either (he’d  saved for some weeks at least. Possibly for months), as i’m sure he still didn’t yet really earn a whole lot in his pay-packet each week . He brought it second hand, and had then gone ahead and also paid more for a bike shop owner to re-paint so it look flash-as and even had him put a brand new set of “ape hangers” and a banana seat on it too. I did learn to ride this bike pretty quick.I think i first kinda tried turning the pedals through the center v of the bike frame (male bike frame) itself, without trying to swing my right leg over the top, so as to then be able to sit on the seat while peddling. One big bonus was , that the property we lived on was (at a guess) something like about 40 or 60 acres , and it had this graveled private road that led down towards the back of the property toward some large farm shed type buildings (they sat off to the right).

I have lots of other vivid memories of this house and our family of 7 including our mum and how it was.I also vividly remember how those time were also some rough times sometimes together as well too. We all lost contact with our first love one, when our second eldest sister fell in love with one of the worldly neighbors, and due to that we had to disown and shun her (or otherwise we’d have all been thrown out) as soon as she was promptly withdrawn from.I can still vividly remember myself pleading with our mum.Pleading with mum that our sister “was still-worth” loving. I remember how at times there was loads of tears

Anyways one particular vivid memory is of all the yelling and fighting. Most of all the real violence that occurred. After our dad died our eldest brother (who brought my bike)more or less got issued the job of enforcer of rules of the house. Our mum allowed it. There wasn’t ? much “other option” i can only guess in thinking about it again now.

Sometimes driving to and then back again from church meetings (which almost seemed never ending) there seemed to be so many punches getting thrown about in our car that it would be kinda rocking and rolling at times. All the while yelling and then tears.And me sitting there (trying to act as the wee  peace enforcer) crying and pleading for everyone to stop and love each other

Then there was this other one time i also remember back at this house where we all lived, where my eldest brother chased my brother into the toilet and to try and get him out he was banging on the door while yelling and threatening.My second eldest brother ended up so shit scared that he finally removed all those small louver type windows (glass louver sat in slits cut-into the wooden window frame itself, and the window was way way smaller, maybe only around a third or quarter the size than the one ive shown in the picture here below.So small in fact, we all also all wondered and discussed how? our brother could even manage to squeeze out through there like that.Fear can get a human “fired up enough” to “do what seem like miracles”.They were kinda supposed to be purposely made “small enough” so thieves couldn’t use them, so as to break-in  ) that could often be found in old house toilets (the ones that easily slipped in and out and couldn’t ever be “moved” or closed/opened up any). Once he pulled them all out,upon which he was then just able to squeeze-outside and then ran away off into the night, to go down and sleep-away somewhere down in the old dark shed’s, way down toward the back of the property (all night long)

So i feel like i witnessed a fair share of physical violence in my youth.Now i’m trying to begin understand why? i didn’t follow that practice

To first try to be fair. I have also been told that (evidently) our father (when alive) had used to give both my brother’s a real good hiding from time to time.I cannot say why he acted in that manner (as who knows? “full story” of what his own upbringing might have been like) , however i do also (now) know that at least one of my brothers has finally been now diagnosed ,(through specialist he finally he seen way-later on in his later life) that he is in fact “somewhere” on the autism spectrum . I heard that he used to get some hard-belting’s from off of our dad (“spare the rod spoil the child. (Proverbs 12:24), for doing all sorts of “misbehavior” crazy things that must have seemed “very naughty” to our dad at that time, would have made him feel angry (before they even understood anything at all about the autism. And maybe they never even thought to “expect” it might-be autism or anything like that i suppose. ). He would do things, like the one-time (i’m told) he decided to give one of our first cousins , a ride on a self-drive mower the types of lawn mower with the blade that went around and around out-front (reel mower they called them). Anyway this first cousin of our’s had ended up with sliced up and bleeding heal’s

Our dad would, i’m sure, tell this brother of ours time and time again and again to  learn how to be “good” to “not to” do such and such stuff like that ever again please son.But our brother would soon enough still figure out on some other crazy plan, a plan that he thought sounded great fun ( i could re-tell so many other memories of these situations. But i cannot do it justice right now anyways. Besides i have “not enough” time to think back about it all)

When i finally became of age 5 and went off to school . That’s when my first experiences of bullying started. It carried on throughout all of my school years.Mostly i always remembered to try my best to just turn the other cheek,just like our mum had told me too. Except for a few times, when i decided not to. I most always came out on top ,whenever i’d decide to stand-up for myself. Usually that was also the only time when each bully would finally decide it’s best to stop bothering to try and bully me ever again as well to. But meanwhile i’d also go off home feeling “guilty as hell” and “angry at myself” like as if i had been following/doing the devils work

Anyways. Today i thought about our mum, once again. Its not been often ive thought of things ive felt i could thank her for.Sadly. Too often she’d totally refused to even talk again to any of us kids whom had either choose to leave or even those who had been cast-out (we were all disowned as if we had actually died already)

But one thing i know i can really thank our mum for. Is she obviously did me a real-good favor there.Who knows, maybe even helped to set me up to stay out of jail (as let’s not forget ,living in the Brethren cult, was already much like serving one jail term “to many”. Retaining my freedom is something i feel has become most valuable and important to me)

Hey so thanks for that mum

(It has served me well all throughout my life.Helped to keep me out of trouble in many ways.Only wish i could have been so, that we’d have already also all been able to have told you thanks far more,and far more often)

 

 

 

 

About ExEB

I'm a agnostic/atheist . Interested in learning more about science. I also am an "ex-member" of a group most publicly known within modern times, as the Exclusive Brethren. Whom are an off-shoot of the original Plymouth Brethren group. I'd say it likely my personality could possibly be described as quirky.You know ,as in being , unconventional , unorthodox , unusual, off-centre, strange, bizarre, weird, peculiar, odd, freakish, outlandish, offbeat, out of the ordinary, bohemian, alternative, zany I'm sure iv'e been classed as "crazy" . Many times But then, being born into a group like the exclusive brethren. Doesn't lend itself ? to tend to produce things considered as being "very normal" .Does it I escaped the Exclusive Brethren cult as a 15 year old teenager. Even since that time iv'e been trying to adjust to living life outside the cult. With much of my life being lived within the genre of "wild colonial boy" style. In the general sense of a church-rebel picking and choosing from role models who appeared within-life along the way. But as the exclusive brethren cult had traditionally maintained a general church-rule , of need to shun and totally excommunicate any ex member of their group.Treating such people as if they were dead. Thus this situation developed more to do with my need of following traditionally enforced church-rule , as apposed to it being so much about "life-choices". Certain emotional experiences, and parts of life in general, have led to me adopting a sense of low self esteem. Which is a situation i still deal with from time to time. Through my ongoing interest in science. I find i am able to gather more information to help me better understand my situation. Much about life for me, has often seemed like a massive puzzle.With many missing pieces.
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