Some ex cult members,still struggle, with relationship loss,specially with regard of their children.In some ways, it seems very similar to parent abduction of likes whats being described here throughout these few article i’ll post below.And what long lasting effect it often has on people
Perhaps the only main difference there is here,though (with ex eb members situation), is that there is also a cult involved in the mix of things too.
Either way, it still amount to a type of kidnapping?
Not only will ex cult parent themselves continue to struggle, but because of the parent constant struggle with loss of contact with their own children ,and all other issues of life of what can then stem from that, other ex cult brothers and sisters of that particular parent whom lost their children, may then also continue to struggle as well in some way too,due to “flow on” effect of any number of factors involved (IE: the ex cult family unit shares the loss)
So there is in fact a number of different scenarios of what can arise? (not any one scenario fits all type equation)
There are well meaning people,and some are believers too,who feel that perhaps ex members of cults should have moved on already by now.I suspect that perhaps those folk just don’t bother to ever read/learn/research all that much science? .
Many maybe, perhaps, don’t bother to read books other than the bible?.In which case then, perhaps their misinformed expectation is founded more on lack of knowledge
People who’d expect that everyone might have been able to have moved on already, after x amount of period of time after leaving from a cult,perhaps themselves still might struggle a fair bit with the cult style black and white way of thinking? (cult members lives are often lived “ stereotype“ similar). So some ex cult members then still perhaps fail to even imagine how that might in fact happen,( IE:fail to imagine that ex cult lives might in fact pan out quite differently after leaving)
Therefore its perhaps also understandable as well too, why some might figure, that all ex cult members lives
might should always remain totally comparable .As they fail to imagine how it mightn’t
Not their own fault of course.As this is how cult
life existence teaches molds people to learn to think like (IE: a cult existence, doesn’t allow for cult members to experience how “different” that outsiders lives can pan out to be).
Anyway this first article here, deals mainly with the effect on the children themselves. See here http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-05-23/what-happens-to-children-involved-in-parental-abductions/7438058
Then next, from the next article i found, of what i’ll post below, Quote:
“As adults, many victims of bitter custody battles who had been permanently removed from a target parent, whisked away to a new town and given a new identity, still long to be reunited with the lost parent. The loss cannot be undone. Childhood cannot be recaptured. Gone forever is that sense of history, intimacy, lost input of values and morals, self-awareness through knowing one’s beginnings, love, contact with extended family, and much more. Virtually no child possesses the ability to protect him- or herself against such an undignified and total loss” (Clawar & Rivlin, p. 105).
end quote (my bold& red)
Then next article
She believes the boys became convinced that she had abandoned them. One day she took a plane to Germany and waited outside their school. When they saw her, they ran in the opposite direction and got into a car. “The first time I saw Alexander, at the second court hearing, he greeted me by hitting me.” She aims a punch at her own stomach to illustrate.
How did this change her? “I lost my job and by now I was weighing 45 kilos. I wasn’t eating and I couldn’t sleep because my hip bones were so painful, sticking out.” She looks into her coffee, then directly at me. “I used to be quite amusing, actually, when I was young. Now I cannot stay still – I have to be busy. That’s a sign I see in a lot of parents. They become workaholics, or depressives. I have two people who committed suicide, and one ended up in the loony bin. You can feel sorry for yourself and go deeper and deeper into yourself. Or you can work and work.”
The most painful loss, she says, was physical. “Touching them. Feeling them. I constantly had nightmares. Still have them. They are always small in dreams, they’re with me in London, and they’re either being taken away or they’re in danger.”
I ask if she is capable of feeling joy these days. “Seeing my children is wonderful. Christopher says my face lights up when I see them.” She pauses. “I used to say I’d like to just drill a hole in my head and take some of this stuff out, this anxiety, this hyperness.” She still feels that? “Oh, yes.”
end quote (my bold and red)
From this next piece of info .Quote:
Pauline Boss, a professor and marital and family therapist at the University of Minnesota, coined the term “ambiguous loss” to describe what happens when people are missing, either physically or emotionally.
end quote . See info on understanding ambiguous loss here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambiguous_loss
Anyway, i think this info above,. may go some way to help explain why the misinformed idea that people will move on,is expecting something totally unnatural
Which then brings me to quote from the last link below, of which is written by someone who’d actually experience the situation themselves
I’m scared for a few reasons, but mostly I’m scared of receiving judgment or of bringing judgment upon my child
But our story needs to come out, because there is so much that isn’t said about kidnapping. So much that I didn’t know until after I lived it, and if I can make one more person sympathetic to the experience, or allow another parent to know that they are not alone in living out one of the worst experiences a parent could face, then, hopefully it was worth it.
Now all the stories told in articles above ,deal with situation where one parent is involved in kidnapping the children.
Imagine if the kidnapping involves manipulative form of coercion of a group claiming to be Christians. Who are also being rewarded with charity status too
That’s then bound to become even harder to swallow and move on from ?
Specially so too, when citizens in general, don’t act as if they even care