ANXIOUS AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE & NARCISSISM

Interesting to note how this attachment style is like ‘two different styles of what will have become combined into the “one style”

Finally figured out that disorganized attachment style might help to provide some answers for my own attachment disorder

 

Childhood emotional abuse was fairly high for many children, as brethren. In our own family, and within other Brethren families too

Not always about violence. But more often more about emotional abuse

Still all comes down to abuse

There was the

1.fear of God and thoughts of hell and whatever else it were that we were being brainwashed to have need to believe in

2. Fear of the thought of being excommunicated and totally disowned as if “we were-dead’, and so on (due to cult rules)

While we were young children, we would see one or two or more of our elder sibling being promptly kicked out of the house, and being “disowned to the extent” as if they’d just died. You wouldn’t see or talk to them again either, after they’d been “done away with” in this manner. They might even still live locally, and yet you’d still be required to treat them as if they had “no longer even existed”

Thinking more about it now, i can now sense a number of reason for why i would have developed this  disorganized attachment style

In our house , while i were young,there were also loads of fighting and screaming and yelling among the elder siblings.Doors being slammed shut,or kicked in.People running off into the darkness, at night, so as to “run away” from danger of a-beating and to go sleep out in a barn out back of the farm, through their own fear of being hurt by another elder sibling. And our mother would be either angry, or crying, or fearful about hell and the rapture and whatever else (to do with the cult)

She wasn’t ever actually “emotionally available” to any one of us realistically. Well not “properly” anyway

She were overcome with her own feeling of fear herself (fear of hell,the rapture, and/or fear of how to bring up 6 children as a single mother,and so on)

She were likely also someone dealing with emotional attachment disorders herself. Being that our mother had been brought up among drunkenness and violence and so on, within her youth as an outsider originally living within a non-Brethren family home

 

It was the cult, in our lives,of what had taken on the role of the narcissistic parent .Our mother was like the co-dependent parent, part, of that narcissist cult.

Cult= narcissistic father

Our Mum= co dependent of cult narcissistic father

There wasn’t much of an option for anyone of us to be able to create good strong resilient loving and genuinely caring relationships within our family.There wasn’t. As, all of our lives were focused on “pleasing the cult demands“.And the cult, being narcissist , didn’t care about how the “cults ways” were affecting the lives of us children detrimentally. Because narcissist, wont bother to think about”feelings” of anyone else

Do they?

All they care about is only-themselves

And then within our family, (unbeknownst to us at that time), there were elder sibling who would be diagnosed as being Asperger’s, many years later on. Which in fact also help to explain a number of situation what we’d experienced around of family.This person, had, back then, been designated to “take on the role” as the person who’d help dish out punishment in our household, for our mum, being as our father had in fact already died and passed away through bowel cancer. Years later, i’d learn how there is some fairly similar trait between the narcissist, and Autistic. Which is also interesting info to learn. And of course this “factor of life” had also added “whole other” layer to the dynamic of situation what evolved within our household . As im sure you can imagine it might. Iv’e stated here on my blog, before now, that i remember our-family life feeling a little bit like as if perhaps we might have all been brought up within “an asylum” . That’s the best way i can think of to describe  my memories

Family life, had definitely felt a whole lot like we might have been brought-up on a battle field . Yes that’s for sure. Just as the video above do-describe. It really did. And our mother, was most definitely pretty much unavailable “emotionally” for anyone of us. Her own mind were also far to preoccupied with all of her own fears and worries too

So much so, that she were to even end up kicking one of our own sisters out of our house, disowning her all of a sudden one day, due to rules of cultdictate (which, i now feel, was the general-base for the collective narcissism milling-around us within our lives)

Our mother did in fact just “brush the thought of it off” as if “the excommunication” shouldn’t have any need to ever matter a whole lot to anyone of us. (when our sister was quickly done away with,and excommunicated, due to cult dictate rules)

We were also coached-into learning how to just “brush any thoughts of it off” as well too

There was little no choice

It most definitely was most confusing situation , to us all, to have need to try and deal with and for us try and figure out “what to feel” about emotionally (to me as the younger sibling who were also someone who’s ten years younger than all other sibling in our family) . I don’t think i ever did “quite figure it out”. Maybe i’d just buried the thoughts of it. Or had tried to do my best to do so anyway. Even memory,of our childhood, will still suddenly come back to me, as “wee small snippet” of things what i’ll suddenly remember, might had happen. Many times, i’m sometime not fully sure if they did in fact happen, or if perhaps i might even “be dreaming” they might have happen

I noticed that i do have big trouble setting boundary (“ive been a people pleaser”). And so, due to this, i have been able to be taken advantage of regularly many times too, all throughout my life.

Which, the cult member , will have misdiagnose  as “being a sign” that prove (to them) that their cult is the “good” safe place for people to remain. Which is rather ironic . To think that the-cult member , would be still be so blind,and ignorant of the harm that their cult had in fact constantly caused to so many people throughout the years, that they’d misdiagnose and then misjudge a situation . And then remain oblivious to the fact that this is actually what they’d mistakenly been and taken a-part in doing

They are none the wiser. Still haven’t a clue how they’ve all been fed answer of what relate to misinformed diagnosis of situation. Blundering diagnosis of what “had failed to take” the-affect of trauma,into account .

Therefore promoting , totally misinformed conclusion, among the Brethren

Most Brethren member, still wont even have half a clue how they’ve been taking “their own part” in misjudging the truth. They wont even realize it. The thought, wont even “dawn on them”

They’ll just note how there are large number of ex brethren who’d lives can be noted to become-unstable. And so they’ll be led to believe, that “this phenomena” , would be evidence to suggest that the-Brethren cult, is therefore a great place to remain

They totally overlooked what the symptom of emotional abuse, so often are. They wont even have half a clue about what those kind of symptom, might be

Will they?

And you can bet your money, that Bruce Hales & Co , certainly wont ever be interested in trying to help enlighten the Brethren to knowledge of what “the symptom” of emotional abuse are

No way?

Good chance he wont want to

Bruce Hales & Co , are only focused on the-money and their own greed

But then what makes these problem become even worse

Is the way what our health practitioner, are all rather slow in their ability of helping to diagnose our mental health issues. Perhaps partly because of the way intuition has never been seen as being a worthwhile tool/trait . Generally speaking, all our health professional,with all their shiny glossy CVs, will have scored their jobs, due to being able to pass exam with high marks, and therefore have the-glossy CV’s to help prove it

They still don’t necessarily score-high on the intuition-level

Though do they?

High chance, that they’d perhaps be people who’d be rather inclined to score rather low in level of intuition too. If in fact intuition level, were to ever become something of what job interviews, might ever decide to measure 

They don’t get tested for their ‘level of intuition”

Do they?

Very few professional people, ever will do

They don’t. They’d still get paid their wages, week in week out, year in year out, decade after decade too, even if the mental health problem population number, were still exploding

There seem to be nobody, employed among them, with intuition, to “give out the order”, to the rank and file to start looking-out for more precise diagnosis . For answer “outside the box”

It doesn’t happen

They go by the book. Wait upon “order” to arrive ,from employee further up the ladder

They wait to “be told” what might be the answer

Nobodies so-bothered to be giving any of it “much thought”

They all wait to receive “direction from above” or “answer provided by” whoever is above them in their job description

That’s how the-professionals role

Usually they’ll try out this pill or that pill or the other pills. And if none of those work, then they’ll suggest the patent might like to try meditation, some more. When that’s still not fixing anything either, they’ll then proceed to ask the patient, if they’ve been “making sure” to use the meditation, enough. Or the pills , exactly as was prescribed

Its as if the whole mental health system might have been attuned to totally disregard brain injuries caused by trauma

I cant help wondering?

Because

I’m the one who’s been busily, more lately, with researching all of the mega amounts of medical info whats available, for hours and hours on end. I’m the person who’s had to try and “school myself up” on all options of what might be worthwhile looking into, and considering, so as to help myself to diagnose exactly what it might be, with whats wrong with me

Unless i’d do it. I’d be still left-here, with little hope. I would. I’ve only ended up doing all this in depth research, upon feeling as i’d reached rock bottom. Feeling there were no other option. Due to finally feeling as if i’d have absolutely no other option, available. And upon finally realizing how the health system roles.

Its been an utterly exhausting long process (for me). Its not as if like its easy info for me to understand, as a layman

I now try not to think to much about the years-lost, while i were waiting and hoping that health professional might know how to help-diagnose exactly whats wrong, for me

You cant dwell on that

Meanwhile

Our prime minister, Jacinda Kate Laurell Ardern, will be sitting in parliament too, along with her own glossy CV, and also be still similarly unaware, about anything much about “what’s not-been-happening”

They never use ‘the intuition” to decide to go look “for themselves” so as to try to find out about “whats not been” happening

They usually wont find out about “whats not been” happening

Until after

Until after the “shits finally already hit the fan”

Only then “will they wake up”

Like usual 

There will suddenly be a bustling-fluster panic of hands on deck, all trying to then fix a complete disaster

Nobody used intuition to attend to it beforehand?

Yeah nah

Lets face it…. intuition hasn’t been something, highly valued?

Has it

Wherever we look,these days, we now see plain sign, to suggest that intuition perhaps hasn’t been in much use , all that often

 

Meanwhile

Our mental health population numbers are still skyrocketing

They have “professional” employed, the ones with the shiny CVs, who’s trying to figure out why

Everyone still tip toeing around “trauma”. Everyone’s still scared to look into it

To many skeletons ?

To many fears about ACC responsibility clauses perhaps ?

Just lately, they’ve finally been made aware  of the amount of trauma and PTSD  and so forth, much of which underpin the population numbers of re offender within our jails

So.How long until they’ll face up to trauma underpinning cause of attachment disorders, originating from cult abuse?

Perhaps its money that stops them from wanting to diagnose

Maybe they’ll have orders, from above , ordering them to overlook the disorder of what might connect to brain trauma

“so as to save money”

Money is become “like-God” within our world

 

 

An interesting thought, i feel, to think of the exclusive brethren cult, “within the context‘of them being a system, of collective narcissism

Bruce Hales =  wicked witch narcissist in control

Flying monkeys = all the underling Brethren hierarchy tattletale  who’d help to do Bruce’s bidding

And so on

One big problem is how it can take “some guts” to be someone to decide to not be one of the flying monkey type

About ExEB

I'm a agnostic/atheist . Interested in learning more about science. I also am an "ex-member" of a group most publicly known within modern times, as the Exclusive Brethren. Whom are an off-shoot of the original Plymouth Brethren group. I'd say it likely my personality could possibly be described as quirky.You know ,as in being , unconventional , unorthodox , unusual, off-centre, strange, bizarre, weird, peculiar, odd, freakish, outlandish, offbeat, out of the ordinary, bohemian, alternative, zany I'm sure iv'e been classed as "crazy" . Many times But then, being born into a group like the exclusive brethren. Doesn't lend itself ? to tend to produce things considered as being "very normal" .Does it I escaped the Exclusive Brethren cult as a 15 year old teenager. Even since that time iv'e been trying to adjust to living life outside the cult. With much of my life being lived within the genre of "wild colonial boy" style. In the general sense of a church-rebel picking and choosing from role models who appeared within-life along the way. But as the exclusive brethren cult had traditionally maintained a general church-rule , of need to shun and totally excommunicate any ex member of their group.Treating such people as if they were dead. Thus this situation developed more to do with my need of following traditionally enforced church-rule , as apposed to it being so much about "life-choices". Certain emotional experiences, and parts of life in general, have led to me adopting a sense of low self esteem. Which is a situation i still deal with from time to time. Through my ongoing interest in science. I find i am able to gather more information to help me better understand my situation. Much about life for me, has often seemed like a massive puzzle.With many missing pieces.
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